When they're older, I'm sure my kids will pick up Beatrix Potter and pour over the precious illustrations and read the real story for themselves. They'll be ready for the tiny darker stabs then. - Rather, I think they are ready now, but I am not. I've been scarred enough by my kids' night terrors that I don't really want to give them anything negative to think about as they're falling asleep. So, this is one bedtime story that I have heavily edited to be as pleasant and cherishable as possible. I've also added in an airplane, for modern readers.
Ahem. With slight further ado, I give you Cruelty-Free Squirrel Nutkin.
[Fair warning, I don't consider animals eating other animals cruel. When the squirrels give Mr. Owl three dead mice to eat, I leave that in. If you don't like it, change it to Vegan Soup or pot-holders.]
Cruelty-Free Squirrel Nutkin
From “The Tale Of Squirrel Nutkin” by Beatrix Potter, edited by Lacey Waymire.
Illustrations by Beatrix Potter
This is a Tale about a tail--a tail that belonged to a little red squirrel, and his name was Nutkin.
He had a brother called Twinkleberry, and a great many cousins: they lived in a wood at the edge of a lake. Let’s call it Folsom Lake, shall we?
In the middle of the lake there is an island covered with trees and nut bushes; and amongst those trees stands a hollow oak-tree, which is the house of an owl who is called Old Mr. Brown.
One autumn when the nuts were ripe, and the leaves on the hazel bushes were golden and green, Nutkin and Twinkleberry and all the other little squirrels came out of the wood, and down to the edge of the lake.
They made little rafts out of twigs, and they paddled away over the water to Owl Island to gather nuts.
Each squirrel had a little sack and a large oar, and spread out his tail for a sail.
They also took with them an offering of three fat mice as a present for Old Mr. Brown, and put them down upon his door-step.
Then Twinkleberry and the other little squirrels each made a low bow, and said politely-
“Old Mr. Brown, dear Mr. Brown, may we please gather nuts upon your island?”
The old, sleepy owl barely opened one eye, but he smiled, hooted his thanks for the mice, and said yes. Then he shut his eyes and went to sleep, for owls sleep in the day and wake at night.
So the squirrels went about gathering nuts and putting them in their little sacks. As he worked, Nutkin was so excited that he bobbed up and down like a little red cherry, singing-
“Riddle me, riddle me, rot-tot-tote!
A little wee man, in a red red coat!
A staff in his hand, and a stone in his throat;
If you’ll tell me this riddle, I’ll give you a groat.”
Now this riddle is as old as the hills, but yet, I do not know what a groat is. Do you?
The squirrels filled their little sacks with nuts, and when they were done, sailed away home in the evening. They put their nuts into their pantries, stacking them in a neat, tidy way.
But next morning they all came back again to Owl Island, riding their rafts; and Nutkin and Twinkleberry and the others brought a fine fat mole, and laid it on the stone in front of Old Mr. Brown’s doorway, and said:
“Old Mr. Brown, dear Mr. Brown, may we please gather nuts upon your island?”
The owl woke, nodded yes, and carried the mole into his house. He shut the door. Presently a little thread of blue smoke from a wood fire came up from the top of the tree. Now, I have never seen a chimney inside of a tree, myself, but I should like to. Imagine cooking dinner like that!
Back to work the squirrels went, and it hardly seemed like work at all, for while their paws busily harvested nuts, their minds were kept happy by Nutkin’s silly rhyming riddles.
Nutkin sang:
Hitty Pitty within the wall,
Hitty Pitty without the wall;
If you touch Hitty Pitty,
Hitty Pitty will bite you!”
Later, when Twinkleberry’s nut-bag was found to have a hole in it, Twinkleberry laughed as he sat down to sew up the hole. “I bet Nutkin can come up with a riddle about this!” he said.
And Nutkin, who loved to rhyme, agreed. He sat upon his fluffy tail and thought, until at last he had a riddle. He sang:
“A house full, a hole full!
And you cannot gather a bowl-full!”
The squirrels searched for nuts all over the island and filled their little sacks. When they were done, they gathered oak-apples-yellow and scarlet--and sat upon a beech-stump playing marbles.
On the third day the squirrels got up very early and went fishing; they caught seven fat minnows as a present for Old Mr. Brown.
They paddled over the lake and landed under a crooked chestnut tree on Owl Island.
Twinkleberry and Nutkin and the other little squirrels each carried a fat minnow; and Nutkin ran in front, singing:
“The man in the wilderness said to me,
‘How many strawberries grow in the sea?’
I answered him as I thought good-
‘As many red herrings as grow in the wood.'”
On the fourth day the squirrels brought a present of six fat beetles, which were as good as plums in plum-pudding for Old Mr. Brown. Each beetle was wrapped up carefully in a dock-leaf, fastened with a pine-needle pin.
And as he was wrapping his beetles in leaves and fastening them with pine-needle pins, Squirrel Nutkin sang this riddle:
Flour of England, fruit of Spain,
Met together in a shower of rain;
Put in a bag tied round with a string,
If you’ll tell me this riddle, I’ll give you a ring!”
And I so wish I could solve this riddle, so Squirrel Nutkin would give me a ring.
The squirrels hunted up and down the nut bushes; and for fun, Nutkin gathered robin’s pincushions off a briar bush, and stuck them full of pine-needle pins.
On the fifth day the squirrels brought a present of wild honey; it was so sweet and sticky that they licked their fingers as they put it down upon the stone. They had stolen it out of a bumble bees’ nest on the tippitty top of the hill. And you have never seen anything so stealthy and quick as a silent squirrel stealing honey!
Pleased with the honey, Nutkin skipped up and down, singing-
“Hum-a-bum! buzz! buzz! Hum-a-bum buzz! buzz!
As I went over Tipple-tine
I met a flock of bonny swine;
Some yellow-nacked, some yellow backed!
They were the very bonniest swine
That e’er went over Tipple-tine.
Hum-a-bum! buzz! buzz! Hum-a-bum buzz! buzz!”
Now you may not believe an owl could be so polite about honey. Let me tell you what he did.
He took a plate and a fork, and sat down at the table, and he drizzled honey onto his plate. Then, dipping the silver fork into the honey, he ate up every last drop!
The squirrels filled their little sacks with nuts.
When they were finished, they had a rest and sat upon a big flat rock, and played ninepins with a crab apple and green fir-cones.
On the sixth day, which was Saturday, the squirrels came again for the last time; they brought a new-laid egg in a little rush basket as a last parting present for Old Mr. Brown.
Nutkin ran in front, laughing, and singing,
“Humpty Dumpty lies in the beck,
With a white counterpane round his neck,
Forty doctors and forty wrights,
Cannot put Humpty Dumpty to rights!”
Soon they came to the owl’s door and saw the owl sleeping. They laid the egg upon the step near him.
Now dear old Mr. Brown took an interest in eggs; he opened one eye and shut it again. Then he opened both his eyes wide. He lovingly and gently nudged the egg into his nest, and sat upon it, and at once fell asleep again.
Squirrel Nutkin, his cousin Twinkleberry, and all the other squirrels tiptoed quietly away and began to fill their sacks for one last time.
Squirrel Nutkin, once he was away from the sleeping owl and could be loud again, jumped up for joy and began making up a riddle. He sang:
Hickamore, Hackamore, on the King’s kitchen door;
All the King’s horses, and all the King’s men,
Couldn’t drive Hickamore, Hackamore,
Off the King’s kitchen door.”
Nutkin danced up and down like a sunbeam;
Nutkin was so pleased with his first rhyme that he sang again-
“Arthur O’Bower has broken his band,
He comes roaring up the land!
The King of Scots with all his power,
Cannot turn Arthur of the Bower!”
And I wonder who Arther O'Bower is, and why the King of Scots is trying to turn him. Are they dancing?
As he sang the hours flew by, and soon his sack was full. Nutkin grabbed his little bag and threw it over his shoulder.
Nutkin made a whirring noise to sound like an airplane, and he took a running jump right onto his raft!
He had to row with his tail, because he had forgotten his large oar. His sack was full of nuts, and the boat was heavy, but Squirrel Nutkin had a fine, strong tail, and a merry spirit. He found he did not need a sail after all, and paddled himself home the whole way across Folsom Lake.
He put away his nuts in a large tidy pile, and they looked so inviting that he went and burrowed into them just as if they were blankets. Warm and cozy, wrapped all about with his new tasty treasures, Squirrel Nutkin fell fast asleep upon his pile of nuts from Owl Island.
Now if you ever wonder what a squirrel dreams of, I'll tell you. It's rowing out on a fine, sunny, fall day to Owl Island, and singing while gathering nuts, and smiling sweetly at the old sleepy owl.
Nutkin made a whirring noise to sound like an airplane, and he took a running jump right onto his raft!
He had to row with his tail, because he had forgotten his large oar. His sack was full of nuts, and the boat was heavy, but Squirrel Nutkin had a fine, strong tail, and a merry spirit. He found he did not need a sail after all, and paddled himself home the whole way across Folsom Lake.
He put away his nuts in a large tidy pile, and they looked so inviting that he went and burrowed into them just as if they were blankets. Warm and cozy, wrapped all about with his new tasty treasures, Squirrel Nutkin fell fast asleep upon his pile of nuts from Owl Island.
Now if you ever wonder what a squirrel dreams of, I'll tell you. It's rowing out on a fine, sunny, fall day to Owl Island, and singing while gathering nuts, and smiling sweetly at the old sleepy owl.
